An Open Letter to all Gophers in my Backyard
Today I worked in the backyard and much to my horror discovered the recent evidence of your occupation. Please note that you are not welcome here and should vacate said premises immediately. You are welcome to inhabit any of my neighbor’s lawns as far as I am concerned. But I take great pride in my yard. Because you cannot seem to reside in a place without doing unsightly damage with many holes and mounds of dirt, you cannot stay here! You are a
Maccabee spring loaded traps (not the catch and release kind!)
Spring loaded dagger traps
Adapters to attach hose from burrow to auto exhaust
Huge rat traps
16 gauge shotgun and lots of patience
Poison gopher gas bombs
A Propane gadget, that fills tunnels with gas, ignites the gas, and blows your toothy little carcass to "kingdom come”.
Satellite imagery
And let me close with a final warning. I have uncles who are ferocious hunters who will drop everything at my request to travel here and join the fray. We stick together like Tell, Tyrell, and Orin Sackett of the old west fame. Consider yourself warned of my wrath!
4 comments:
Be careful of what you threaten. The animal protection people may not take lightly to your intentions to do harm to those critters.
My husband is an old pro, if you need him I'll send him your way. We exterminated several mice from my grandma's lawn and some small rodent from our lawn. The technique involves a lawn hose and a shovel. It is quite simple and very effective.
Crap! I just noticed you do comment approval, so if you got that comment twice it is because I am a big ol' dork!
Kevin has 9 sage rats and 1 skunk, how is your groundhog problem going?
Courtney, that old roomie of Kristen's that has decided to stalk you.
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